You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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