Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was like eating out sand paper
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
