Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
