then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
