Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
