Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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