he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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