Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
