She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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