I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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