were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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