you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
