if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
