Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize