Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
