Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
