A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Boobs are out for the taking
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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