I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize