thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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