Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
