Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
