Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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