i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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