Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
