You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
