Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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