I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
