Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pants are for mortals
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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