he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
