chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
