my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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