Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
