You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
