Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
