Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
