Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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