Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
