need another drink. this is the easiest way
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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