Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
