Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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