I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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