I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
