Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
