All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize