I hate all girls vehemently.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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