you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
