I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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