my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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