It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
