Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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