We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize