you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
