Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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