If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
