really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize