I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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