Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
