Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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