I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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