Swine flu. Run for my life!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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