Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
