I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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