I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
