didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
