im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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