last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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