what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
