The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
