dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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