The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
