Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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