Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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