and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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