u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
